Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Bike Commute

When I was a kid, I used to love watching Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. It was a nature show sponsored by an insurance company. The host was Marlin Perkins. I think he got the gig over Halibut Jones and Billy “Blowfish” Campito. Anyway, he was a skinny old guy with white hair and a white mustache.

In its early years Marlin would be out in the field with a guy named Jim Fowler. In later years Marlin was usually filmed in an office. He’d narrate some escapade involving a lethal wild animal that would sooner or later grab Jim by the throat and drag him underwater. Then, the camera would cut back to Marlin who would say something like, “Jim’s in trouble, but you don’t have to be because you can buy Mutual of Omaha life insurance.” Then a commercial would start.

When we came back from the commercial, Jim would extricate himself from harm. After a few years, Jim figured out that Marlin was never in harm’s way. Jim bailed on the show and a beefy Aussie named Stan Brock showed up. Poor Stan. What a dope.

Today’s ride to work was filled with wild creatures (and I am not talking about Bob Cannon or Nancy Duley, although a case could be made for them, I suppose). There was a big bald eagle in the tree above the Belle Haven nest. Bright sunlight was reflecting off its face and tail and made for an impressive pose.

In Jones Point Park, near the recently repaired wooden bridge on the trail, I spied a large fox trotting across the trail into the woods. The local fox population boomed in the last couple of years but seems to be in decline recently.

As I passed National Airport I spotted a hawk, probably an osprey, in a tree next to the trail. He was looking away from the river. Dude, turn around. The fish are that-a-way.

My final wildlife sighting came just north of the Memorial Bridge. The near side of the river was filled with Canada geese. I turned to look at them and saw a streak just barely above the water. It was a great blue heron all stretched out and flying impossibly low and fast. Its neck had a kink in it (which is normal), its feet and legs were stretched out behind it’s torso, and the sun was highlighting its coloring.  For such an ungainly looking bird, this heron was putting on an impressive display of flying skills.

On the ride home I spotted a vulture flying in circles over the area south of the 14^th Street Bridge. It must have been looking for dead ninjas.

I am sure I was annoying to other trail riders because in each of these instances, I veered all over the trail as I was taking in the show. My apologies.

My new blog feature is my Danger of the Day Award. Today’s award goes to the driver of the sedan in Old Town that passed me on North Union Street within inches of my left arm. After the car passed, I stuck my left arm out and waved it up and down to indicate that I need some space. I could see the driver as he drove away. He was gesticulating as if he were carrying on a conversation with someone. An Alexandria Police Cruiser pulled in behind the car and, when the car went to parallel park, slowed. The officer looked in the car to see if the driver was up to something. By this point, the driver was off his phone or otherwise behaving himself. The cruiser continued without stopping.

Our runner up of the day is awarded to the Rosslyn driver who started to turn onto the I-66 ramp off of North Lynn Street. The driver was looking down at something in the middle of the front seat, oblivious to the fact that I was in the crosswalk in front of her. Lucky for me she looked up in time and braked.

That’s why I choose Mutual of Omaha for all my life insurance.

Back to you, Marlin,

 

The last couple of days have been all discombobulated. Yesterday, I drove to work, thinking that my daughter’s play (actually one of seven short plays) would start at 7.  I found out at 5 that the play doesn’t start until eight. I could have ridden in afterall.  As it turns out it was mighty cold and windy so I can’t say that I was all that upset.

After work, I drove to Cactus Cantina up in Grover Park.  I experimented with a new route and found out that I could get over to Rock Creek Park easily, thereby avoiding the traffic mess in Georgetown. It only took me 15 months to find this new route which seems obvious. (Key Bridge to Whitehurst Freeway to 27th Street to Virginia Avenue to RCP. Pretty easy.) Anyway, I had a fine repast at the restaurant with the Mrs. My meal is still making me feel stuffed 22 hours later. The two margueritas went down smoothly, I might add.

Mrs. Rootchopper and I drove separate cars to the school. I had arrived at the theater late because of a telephone call that took 25 minutes. (Chatty sister, I have.) The school theater has a wide aisle after the fourth row of seats. I walked back and forth across the aisle looking for my wife to no avail. I went outside and asked a student usher if she had seen her and she went in with me and pointed her out. I walked across the same wide aisle and sat down next to her. She leaned over and said, “You didn’t say ‘hi’ to Hillary?” and pointed to a seat to my right in the row in front of me. There, seated in the ;2row on the wide aisle was the just-resigned Secretary of State/Senator from NY/FLOUS. Bloody hell. How’d I miss her? (Her nephew was in one of the plays.)

The plays were mostly pretty entertaining. Leaving was a bit of a challenge since there was a clot of people around Hillary including a tall, expressionless white man in a dark cloth coat. Dude, just wear a sign that says “Secret Service” in the future. Driving down Cathedral Avenue traffic came to a stop as a couple of imposing looking black cars were parked illegally on the street in front of the school. Dudes, you stick out like a linebacker at a tea party. Why don’t they change the name to the Obvious Service?

As I mentioned to a Twitter friend, seeing Hillary at the play is way better than buying a TV with Dick Gephardt. (True story.) It still doesn’t top the time I was showing my sister around the mall..  She had never been to DC. Suddenly, a Secret Service helicopter started swooping low over Constitution Avenue near the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial. We ran to the street.  A motorcade came past. A long black limo with an illuminated interior was in the middle. There, in the back seat, were Ron and Nancy. We were alone on the edge of the street waving like idiots. The president turned toward us, pointed, waved and smiled. I am sure my sister thinks this sort of thing happens every day.

This morning I took the Milennium Falcon for an oil change. The place was pretty empty for a Saturday; I think 16 degrees makes people disinclined to get up on a Saturday and go outside. I walked the mile and a half home. The mechanic seemed to take a long time so I called him 90 minutes after he said the car would be ready. He told me he left a message 2 hours ago. It turns out that my old employer hasn’t turned off my voice mail despite the fact that I left 16 months ago. And my name and number are still being used in materials for a year-round survey. I spent 15 minutes going through 37 calls on my old voice mails, none of them of any importance.

After fetching the car, I did some errands. The pharmacist laughed when he saw me. He turned to the other pharmacist and said he didn’t recognize me without my helmet. The other day, the head of our neighborhood association recognized me as the guy who rides that funny-looking bike. (I had to get a clarification, which funny looking bike? He meant Big Nellie.)

I spent the next few hours fighting with Turbo Tax but I finished our tax returns (REFUND? REFUND!?) and my daughter’s as well. My son’s W2 is AWOL which proves that taxes are never without some kind of complication.

A squall line is approaching, Soon snow will be coming down. Looks like Super Bowl Sunday may be another perfect day for car maintenance and taxes.

I miss my bike already.