Am I Back?

I am stealing the title of this post from a friend that I once knew. She came back to DC after living abroad for a couple of years. She felt oddly out of place. She struggled for over a year and a half to feel like she belonged here, but the ground had shifted under her somehow.  She gave up and moved back home for good. After a few months away, something happened and she regained her foothold here.

Like her, I feel ungrounded. I have the open road on constant replay in my head. I have filled the last few weeks with bike repairs and baseball games, a protest and a happy hour. And despite all this I feel like I don’t fit anymore. I am not the person I was a year ago. I have been humbled and more than a little bewildered by piles of hurricane debris and blood clots and mountain passes and social serendipity.

Am I back?

What do I do now?

Beats the hell out of me.

I’m riding to the game tonight. Section 105 in left field. I doubt I’ll find any answers there.

4 thoughts on “Am I Back?

  1. Welcome to retirement! You had 40+ hours per week planned for you. You retired and then planned a couple adventures sandwiched around a serious illness. This has led you to the inevitable “Now What?” You need a bit of structure: volunteer, get a part time job doing something you have never done before, take a college course, etc. It gets better, so try some new stuff. The beauty is you don’t “have to” do anything. Get a job at the Verizon center or with the Nationals or something. Season ends? Job does too. Don’t like it? Don’t do it again. Remember: You are in the driver’s seat. You don’t have to do anything.

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